I just read my husband, Patrick Feren’s Facebook post, about being “On Deck.” It brought many memories of my days in Los Angeles when I stood both shaking and excited waiting to meet those casting directors and producers. I had so much to offer, but I was stuck.

I hit Los Angeles when I was 45 years old with a lot of baggage and insecurities. I was spiritually immature and not ready for the hard knock life of Hollywood. I came from the sheltered waters of being a big fish in a small pond in the Southwest and thought, well, I’m talented, I should be able to make it. I was enthusiastic, but naive. What I learned is that there is more than talent involved in being successful in acting, or in anything for that matter. There is a deep core of belief in oneself that is mandatory. In conversation this afternoon, I told my husband that sometimes I’d like to go back and do it over with what I know now. He said, “well we can do it right here with what we are doing.” Yes, that’s true. We can and we are.

There is no reason to doubt oneself ever because we have an inner power, wisdom and light that directs us when we surrender to it. It’s only when we get our ego in the way that trouble ensues and the shaking starts. Who can judge someone who is sure of oneself. Who can criticize someone who is following what they know is right and true. I’m reading Brene Brown’s book right now “Dare to Lead.” She talks about vulnerability as a strength. It is a strength to stand naked in ones truth. Being vulnerable is a gift we give to ourselves and to others.

Back in my acting days I didn’t realize that it was okay to just be myself and allow those directors to decide whether I was right for the job or not. I would never have been nervous or had shaking hands if I didn’t give way to a false authority. Instead, as my husband wrote in his blog, of trying to figure out what others want, just be true to oneself – one’s Real Self.

As I stand here ready to take our next step in the evolution of Center for Spiritual Living Kaua’i and the Institute of Magnificence, it is very important that I am confident in the power within me and to also know that this same power is in all those who are around me. It is integral that I not let judgment. whether it comes from myself or another, be a block, but instead let it be a guide as to where I need to hold onto my Truth and where I need to let go of my ego.

I am on the spiritual deck right now. My very soul and life is unfolding to its next level. As I use my years in Los Angeles as a lesson as to what can happen when I allow myself to be less than my true self, I can take those lessons and put them to use now. I can dig deep and allow the expansion of Rita to unfold.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Rita Andreillo-Feren, Author, Teacher, Artist and Co-Spiritual Director of CSL Kaua`i and the Institute of Magnificence. Find my books on Amazon