My husband recently went through a preventative medical procedure that prohibited food in the normal way we would consume it. I had a great reminder. I realized how addicted I was to the experience called “food.”

As soon as he was deprived of eating, I felt a sort of deprivation myself. I couldn’t sit down and have our normal dinner with a glass of wine or our breakfast and coffee out on the lanai? Life took on a different meaning. As I got over the initial reaction and concern about his health and came to the place of knowing that everything was all right with him, my obsession became about the food and our mealtime. Without it, I felt like I had nothing to look forward to at the end of the day. Interesting!

When it was all over and we were discussing it this morning, we admitted our addiction to food. Was it a bad thing? Was it really an addiction or was it just a way of enjoying life? My father used to say eating was a ceremony. It is, but not as serious of one as he proclaimed. I had made it very serious this last few days.

The other thing I questioned was my delight with eating with my husband. I didn’t understand why he was asking me to eat with him, as he had his jello and I was supposed to make myself our normal food. On day three I finally did it. It wasn’t an easy passage there. I had to ask, did I enjoy being with him or was it the food that gave us enjoyment when being together. I determined it was a little of both, but it had to make me think.

That was when I realized that food in my life was an addiction of sorts. The good news was that as I got used to not having it in the normal way, I opened up to more self-discovery and clarity within myself. I painted, read, and meditated with more appreciation. I was feeding myself, but with creativity.

What have I learned from this three days? I learned that the joy of food is a good thing. The joy of cooking is a good thing. The enjoyment of eating and celebrating with my husband is a good thing. However, like any addiction we might have, and many of us have many that have nothing to do with narcotics or alcohol, it’s the inability to find the self without something on the outside to stimulate us.

I consider myself a healthy person. As I said, I am not significantly overweight. I would like to weigh a little less, so it is not about changing my body when it comes to eating. It is more about the idea that I love food. I love it because of the memories I have of enjoyment of meals with friends, meals with my husband, cooking for parties, etc. There is nothing wrong with this I decided. It is just that – like all things – there is not one road that fulfills us. There are many roads to enjoy equally. There are many roads to love and enjoyment. They are expressed within us and then we get to choose how we want to share that place within us. When we cannot choose food, like these few days for me, we have to be willing to go inside and claim where the true enjoyment is coming from and express that in the ways available.

I do not want to be addicted to anything. I know the only way to heal any kind of addiction with a finality is to remember where our true place of reliance is. It is the inner power of self-love and the knowing that we are fully supplied at all times. When we turn to this Power within us, it turns to us and we are fulfilled. I know this is my truth.

My Dad used to say we can have everything in moderation. I believe this is true; however, the only exception would be the fulfillment of our inner Spirit. I want to be overtaken and absorbed completely by Spirit.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Rita Andriello-Feren, Author and Co-Spiritual Director Center for Spiritual Living Kaua’i

PS – My book “What Do You Need to Know?” which is on Amazon is on sale right now. It has great reviews and makes a great gift.