There is a Buddhist Story called “The Empty Boat.” It goes like this. A man loved to take his boat out on the tranquil river and paddle in peace. On one particular day, he took his boat out. He was so serene and peaceful when suddenly he saw another boat coming toward him on a collision course. At first he called out quietly. “Turn your boat away from me or we will collide.” The other boat continued on his course. The man was angry now and began to scream, “Turn your boat away from me. You are going to crash into me!” The other boat continued on its path. He screamed again to no avail. The boat crashed into his boat. The man was about to get even more angry, but there was no one in the other boat. It was empty. All his screaming had been in vain. He sat there frustrated with himself for having been so foolish.

This story makes me think of how we are subject to our own interpretations of our circumstances. I wonder as I sit here how many empty boats I have created in my own life that have taken on the enormous proportion of disasters when they were just my interpretations of any given situation. As I shift my perception about a person, an interchange or an event, I can turn the situation around in my mind first and then see a different outcome.

The other wisdom I gather from this story is about the power we have to take the reins of our own life into our own hands. Couldn’t the man have just turned his boat out of the way of the impending crash? How many times do I stay in a situation, thinking I do not have a choice to leave that situation, when I know I am heading for disaster.

I love the story Brene Brown tells of how she taught her children that they have a choice instead of just saying no to them. For example, when they wouldn’t turn off the T.V. and go to bed. She would say, “You have a choice, you can turn the T.V. off and come to bed, or I can turn it off for you and then you will not be able to watch T.V. for the rest of the week. It’s your choice”

We are always at choice, even when it seems that we are not. We can embrace our experiences and decide there is no way out or we can make the sometimes difficult decision to let go, leave and trust that something even greater awaits us.

In the story of The Empty Boat, I am struck with the idea of how we are 100% responsible for our lives. We might think that outside forces control us, but all the time it is us creating those experiences by choosing to stay when we know we should leave, or staying and work through the conflict. It’s our choice one way or the other.

There will always be empty boats in our lives until we decide to place ourselves in them and steer our lives in the direction of our choosing.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Dr. Rita Andriello-Feren, Author, Co-Founding Spiritual Director CSL Kaua`i