We’ve just finished our 10^th Annual Sacred Journey. I’ve learned so much from this Journey which was focused on going within and remembering who we are. As always, the gifts were presented to me, but not always as I expected. “Life happens while you’re busy making other plans,” wrote Alan Saunders. As we make our plans, life is still unfolding. We are all connected, and our life creates a ripple effect as it plays out.

Before the Journey even began, I knew something was different about it. I knew it would lend the opportunity to dive deeply into myself; and, if they chose to, everyone would have that same opportunity. The Journey was named appropriately: “The Journey of Remembrance.” When it was in its beginning developmental stages, we thought it would be a compilation of the best of the 10 years we’d spent designing Sacred Journeys. Then something else happened. We realized that the title had a deeper meaning than just recalling what had already been completed. It was about remembering who we truly are and beginning anew. As we dove into new and old activities that is just what occurred.

The Journey’s first event was at our home, where I openly claimed that I anticipated that this would be a deep journey. Many nodded their heads. Yes, we were all on the same page. We were ready to dive in all the way. Little did we know what that meant for each of us. The opening affirmation recited by each Journeyer was “I become as a little child. This week, I remember who I am…the REALTY of me.” They each received a locket with a picture of themselves as a child. Remembering our child self is remembering our God-Self. The Journeyers were invited to use that locket should they forget their greatness at any time.

Right before the journey began, the Swami at the Hindu Monastery canceled his annual visit with us and even forbade us from coming on the premises as a group. This was the first of letting go for me. Little did I know that the need to let go would continue throughout the Journey. Do you know if you are willing to let go and trust that everything is unfolding for your highest good, gifts present themselves. I wondered why I would be presented with this disappointment. We loved visiting with the Swami and always received insight and wisdom. “Don’t cast your good outside of yourself, Rita,” Spirit chided me.

As soon as I let go of the drama within me surrounding the Swami’s cancellation, a new event presented itself. Our administrator called to find out how many lei that our member needed to make for the Journeyers. Immediately, we opened up to the idea that the Journeyers could make their own lei and also present Sabra Kauka, our Hawaiian Kumu with a handmade lei on Sunday. This would most definitely be the perfect event to replace our visit to the monastery.

Our day in the heat with Sabra visiting the sacred sites gave everyone the opportunity to test their tolerance to the heat of Kaua`i. I stood amazed at everyone’s patience and interest in the tour despite the penetrating sun. I realized that if we had gone to the monastery that day after that morning, it might have been a bit too much for our heated Journeyers. Sitting on the breezy lanai at our Center making lei most definitely provided an opportunity for community and healing.

We were ready for our Sunday celebration. My excitement increased because I knew we were going to present our mentor Dr. James Mellon with a special award. I also was going to leap through my fears of singing for his critic. Interesting for me, I didn’t really care. I was so excited to sing this special song that my love for the song overcame any fear of inadequacy. I opened up to my voice, my heart and my love to sing it fully.

Just as the service was winding down, James and Jonathan, another Journeyer and friend, approached me, looking a bit distressed. James said he didn’t feel well and that they were heading to the hospital. “I think I might be having a heart attack. Don’t tell anyone.” He finished his sentence, left, and I was left alone with my thoughts. I pulled Rev. Diane into my office and asked her to treat for him. My request was that he would get prompt attention because I knew how slow it could be in Wilcox Emergency. He did receive prompt care. No sooner had he got into the examining room, tests were run, and they were flying him out to Oahu. The request to not say anything was still there, but, of course, at this point, I had to tell Patrick.

The rest of the week, for me, was spent caught between two worlds. One world was with my Journeyers and working to give them the best Journey possible. The other was with my friend, knowing his perfect health. My hand was attached to my cell phone for any developments in that area. James was taken care of and came back to us to rest. Things unfolded and he had to make one more trip to Oahu and then finally left early to go back to the Mainland. His workshop he was to give on Saturday was cancelled.

I would be lying if I didn’t say I was disappointed and hated disappointing everyone else. This is strange since James’s intention was not to disappoint anyone. It was me and I needed to let go and let the lessons unfold for myself. If I truly believed in this philosophy, then I knew that there are no accidents, we are all entangled and there are lessons in everything if we open up to them. Surrender was my word, but it would take me a moment to get there.  I had to surrender my hold on the Journey. I had to surrender trying to take care of James’s life. I had to surrender myself to the inner work necessary to do all of that.

I had a major shift during the painting session with Isha. I decided to finally let go and take my place with the Journeyers and paint. Not only could I have cared less who was watching me or how well I painted, I let go to my inner muse and had a transformational experience with my creativity. I opened my channels and got my “bloated nothingness out of the way of the Divine Circuits.” Thank you, Ralph Waldo Emerson.  I realized that true healing takes place in our creativity and I committed myself to unleashing more of my creativity as my life went forward. “It’s time, Rita, to let all of you out!”

As soon as you open up, more good comes your way to let you know you are on the right track. The more one can let go, the more opportunity arrives. The bonfire that next night was another time for letting go. I danced alone in front of the fire and received another blessing. Freedom and a claiming of my power as a Spiritual Leader. Those that danced with me felt the sense of freedom. It was a powerful night.

I didn’t expect the surprise the next morning when James was again whisked away to Oahu for further medical treatment. I had to keep myself together and I was being given another opportunity to live in two worlds at the same time. I am so grateful for my theater background that gives me the stamina to know that “the show must always go on,” even on special occasions like this one. With my hand on my cell phone, I left for the next day-long event. And another gift was presented to me.

Cal and his guest teacher Nova gave a workshop on Balinese healing. It was sensually and sexually freeing in that the shame that can sometimes surround our bodies was released through the ritual that got us in touch with our creative center deep within our womb and all our sexual organs. My gift was realizing that it was time to free that part of myself and finally write my book: “Where is My Red Dress?” without any restraints or protection of myself or others. I realized that I could disclose my past compassionately and honestly at the same time with the intention of assisting others to realize that they are safe in their bodies and in their sexuality. I’m ready.

This journey began with the picture of our child self in a locket to remember who we are, really truly. I suddenly realized that I didn’t make myself a locket, because I was busy taking care of everyone else. Of course, that’s part of being the leader, but the leader needs nourishment, too. The leader needs to be nurtured. So, as I finished this blog that is just what I did.

Tomorrow our talk title is “Open at the Top.” What does it mean to be open at the top? In Science of Mind terms, it means that we are always ready for more illumination. It means that in any moment more Truth is revealed to us. Our God is current and up for the demands that we place upon ourselves. God is right here within us. God is to us as we are to it. When we are open, answers, transformational experiences and everything supports our journey.

I know when I am challenged by the circumstances of my life that those challenges are asking me to peel back my onion a little more. They are asking me to soften my shell of resistance and allow my inner core to show up for me.

How open I was at this Journey determined how much I received in regards to my own expansion. I would have to say that I was freed in major ways. I realized how much I needed to care for myself in regards to my creative self. I realized that I needed to put myself first in many instances. Being Open at the top means that Spirit is meant for expansion. We are not meant to hold on. Experience is temporal and nothing remains the same. As soon as we get this, we are free. What’s next becomes an exciting adventure. We know we are safe no matter what.

I believe it was Socrates that wrote, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” That one statement is what this philosophy of the Science of Mind is all about. As we examine our life, truly and without restraint, criticism or blame, we receive all the answers regarding beliefs and thoughts that hold us back. As we are able to truly feel our Divine selves beyond all of it and open up those Divine circuits with understanding and compassion, we do receive further illumination that is just for us. And…the world benefits by us being that illumined self.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Rita Andriello-Feren, Author, Teacher, Spiritual Director of Center for Spiritual Living Kauai. My books are available on Amazon. Stay tuned for my new book “Where is My Red Dress? (Awakening to my Sensuality in my 70s”)