What is the Grail. In regards to this blog, it is: “any greatly desired and sought-after objective; ultimate ideal or reward.” Dictionary.com

I’ve just returned from Italy, where I found my quantum self. That is my grail. Now to be able to live it! That is the challenge!

“Quantum physics is the name of the game, and pursuing its mysteries prepares one to become a game changer in both one’s life, one’s understanding of reality, and how one agrees to participate in the bio-cosmic field that is intrinsic to our nature. We will be living lives that allow the extraordinary to become ordinary.” Jean Houston

This statement by Jean Houston makes me so grateful that I am one that questions life. Why do I say this? Well, if I had not questioned life, I might not be reading The Quantum Revelation by Paul Levy now. I have questioned life in every period of my time here on earth. Through questioning, I have picked up treasures throughout my journey from being able to explore everything: past lives, crystals and even Mormonism to finally finding myself at the door to Science of Mind, and thus now the great portal into quantum physics. Through questioning, I have bumped up against this game changer called “quantum physics.”

As Paul Levy in his book Quantum Revelation puts it, “A true revelation always manifests itself outside the sphere of our own will. It is never our own activity, but it is as if something seemingly outside of ourselves reveals itself to us.” I didn’t will myself to find quantum physics; instead, because my willingness to explore myself and examine my life, it revealed itself to me. I most definitely will never be the same. I have lots of questions I have yet to answer, the greatest being how will I bring this into my life in a way that will definitely change my life in the most profound way.

As I find myself living here on the island of Kaua’i, yet again, wondering what is next, feeling the Divine urge, I am ready again to go even deeper into my own consciousness. Will I be like the Dorothy in OZ? Am I more comfortable in Kansas or will I open up to living in Oz?  I ask, why do we live in Kansas when we can live in Oz? In his book, Levy states, “…entering into infinite life is rather difficult to navigate and transcends all understanding.”

Right now, I feel like Alice in the rabbit hole going deeper and deeper into my questions about myself and my life. I’m seventy-one years old and I feel like I’ve just begun. After visiting Italy, yet another quantum leap has revealed itself to me. Would you believe I’m actually thinking of a life in Italy, (not right now), but I’m actually seeing it as a possibility. Oz might be calling, as uncomfortable as it seems. This is the same quantum self that beckoned the little Catholic girl sitting on a hill to realize there was more for her, beckoning her to leave what was familiar and expected of her into the unknown. She was caught by something greater than her finite self. “…If we shrink the infinite into the finite – we just end up with a fundamentalist God…” Definitely not me. Instead, I have extended “through conscious work on (myself) the capacity to expand and thus to enter into partnership with the infinite.”  I’ve done that, if even unknowingly. I know this because If I hadn’t, I would be here writing this paper today.

If I truly grasp that time “is no longer measurable as clock time, that past, present and future are truly one and that it is possible to change past events and make them a realistic part of my memory,” I believe I will jump the hurdle of truly letting go of those mindsets that still hold me back. 

As Jean Houston put it, “With regard to identity, the quantum perspective holds that we are not encapsulated bags of skin dragging around a dreary little ego. Rather we contain many selves, personas, which when developed give us skills and capacities that make us multimodal and thus able to bring fresh perspectives to the contents of our life and work.” I am ready for this. I am ready to take all my talents latent, present, past and bring them together. I know if I do, I will land it the right place, with the right stuff, with the right people who will benefit from me and I from them. Oz is right here where each of us is. We do not have to travel to it.

One night in Italy, a street singer started playing the guitar and singing the Beatles song “Let It Be.” Almost as if I jumped out of my own skin, I began to sing with him at the top of my lungs, bringing cell phone cameras out all around me and loud applause. Who was this person that was freed from ego? It was my quantum self, revealing itself to me uninvited.  “We mix and mingle our personalities and capabilities until we can transcend our littleness and discover new competencies and abilities.” I’ve always been afraid of spontaneously performing like this, fearing making a mistake or not being good enough. In that moment on a public street in Rome, I most definitely transcended my littleness. Now as I return to Kaua’i, I ask: Can I take this woman with me?

I look forward to traveling to “a parallel place in the universe where disease doesn’t exist” and where my ego doesn’t exist, where I can freely embrace all of life. Can I be “a child sitting on a window ledge knowing everything and can I be the universe knowing the child at the same time?” Can I truly live as the living universe in an external yet spirited form of itself?

Jean Houston writes, “The game is to overcome the illusion of separation. This is the revelation of quantum physics. …” This journey to the Self is real. My journey to Italy brought up even more questions.

“Quantum theory demands radical revisioning of the role that consciousness plays in the deep structures an ongoing unfolding of reality.” They have a word in Italy that they use when discussing their history – “repurposing.” I love this word. They use it as a way to explain how they never really throw anything out. They just create something else from it that fits better with the world at the present time. This has gone on for centuries into today. It isn’t necessary to throw out the baby with the bath water so to speak, but to find out what that baby in the water needs next to bring forth what will advance it to its next evolution of consciousness. This will be revealed for each of us, as it already exists within each of us. We each must find our own grail.

Ciao and Aloha!

Rev. Rita Andriello Feren, Author and Co-Spiritual Director of Center for Spiritual Living Kaua`i