As some of you know, I’ve written a book called Where is My Red Dress? – One Woman’s Sensual, Sexual, Spiritual Journey to Wholeness. It chronicles my journey from unconscious conditioning to the conscious acceptance of my power as a woman. In it, I share my story openly and honestly, with the intention of revealing how I did “the work” to uncover and release the myths and programs that had been living me.

Why am I talking about this today? Well, you can read the book by purchasing it HERE, but that’s not the point. I’m bringing it up because yesterday, a woman I barely know approached me and told me I should never have written it—because of my position as a minister and spiritual leader. She admitted that reading about my experiences as a sexual being, and as someone who had endured abuse, made her uncomfortable. In fact, she went so far as to ask whether I had received permission from my Board and our organization before publishing it.

I have to admit, I’m still reeling—not because I would change a single word, but because this is exactly why I wrote the book in the first place. One of the greatest barriers to human evolution is our unwillingness to face and heal our wounds. Instead, we hide them, suppress them, or project them onto others. Where is My Red Dress? is my way of healing out loud, giving others permission to do the same.

There is nothing wrong with being a sexual being. There is nothing wrong with talking about sex. As Shakespeare once wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” My mission is to help remove the shame and guilt so many of us carry—because beneath all of it lies the golden Buddha, the divine essence of who we truly are.

We are all evolving. We are all capable of spiraling upward and forward. But we cannot fly if we are tethered to the shame of our past.

For much of my life, I lived according to the stories I had been told about myself—searching for love in all the wrong places, unaware of my power as a spiritual being of choice. But consciousness changed everything. I do not see my past as something to be ashamed of, nor do I label it as “right” or “wrong.” It is simply my journey. Your journey is yours. We are not here to judge one another but to uplift each other as we uncover our magnificence. That’s what I believe. That’s why I became a minister. Not to be placed on a pedestal of perfection, but to wake up—and to help others do the same.

We are living in a time when darkness is being exposed, often in destructive ways. But I believe our responsibility is to bring our shadows into the light of self-love—to accept them, not as right or wrong, but as part of our soul’s journey toward enlightenment.

I am profoundly grateful that I had the courage to write Where is My Red Dress? I wrote it as if no one would ever read it—so that I could be fully authentic, vulnerable, and honest. And that, I believe, is where true healing begins.

Shining in My RED DRESS,

REV. DR. RITA ANDRIELLO-FEREN, CO-FOUNDING SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR, CENTER FOR SPIRITUAL LIVING KAUA’I