There’s a well-known saying: “What you focus on grows.” It’s true, and it’s scientific. Everything is energy, and your own energy is vibrating at a specific frequency. If you continually think the same thoughts over and over, you will continue to see that same pattern show up in different ways.

That’s why: “Wherever you go, there you are.” People often escape one relationship, thinking they’re leaving the problem behind, only to find themselves in the exact same situation—with just a different face.

You can prove this to yourself. Take a look at your life right now. Do you see patterns?
Do the people who surround you match your mood? I’d bet that they do.

I recently had an experience where I just couldn’t stop talking about a person and what had occurred between us. The more I focused on it, the more the situation intensified. Like a snowball rolling down a hill, it picked up speed, gathering more and more emotional weight. Pretty soon, it had ballooned into something far bigger than it ever needed to be. And then it hit me. I was the one making the problem so immense. When I consciously trained myself to stop feeding it energy, the situation diminished—almost to the point of disappearing. Just recently, I felt the urge to retell the story, and guess what? All the old emotions came rushing back. As I said, it’s scientific, and you can prove it.

So why is this blog titled “What You Resist Persists”? Because resisting thinking about something is still thinking about it. Resistance is powerful—but not in the way we want it to be. Resistance takes willpower, and willpower is exhausting. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater—it takes force, effort, and eventually, the ball pops right back up.

So how do we truly let go of something and move on? Here’s the key to making a problem disappear fast:

1. Feel all your feelings. Let them surface. Honor them.
2. If there’s a way to resolve it—whether through a conversation or action—do it.
3. If not, move on.
4. Moving on means releasing people and experiences that drain you, freeing yourself to use your energy in far more valuable ways.

Your energy is the most precious resource you have. It’s free, but it’s as valuable as gold. And where you direct your energy determines everything. Your energy has the power to create amazing experiences in whatever direction you choose. But it won’t flow if it’s stuck in:

• Trying to control others
• Allowing yourself to be mistreated
• Fighting to change impossible situations

You are valuable. You are creative. You deserve to be surrounded by positive experiences and great joy. So start acting like it—from the inside out—and watch what happens. Use your energy as a force for good, for yourself, and for others.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Dr. Rita Andriello-Feren, Author, Co-Founding Director Center for Spiritual Living Kaua`i

My latest review on my new book: Where is My Red Dress?

Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2025 by Lori J.

As I write this, I don’t know where to begin. So much of this book spoke to me and stirred something deep within. At times, I found myself in tears; I felt a churning inside, as though the dust of time that had carefully lain undisturbed, covering the deepest parts of me, was being swirled and lifted away. Rita Andriello-Feren’s book Where Is My Red Dress? is a true gift. To be honest, it was a gift I wasn’t sure I wanted to open. But through Rita’s unflinching and unwavering courage in sharing her journey, I found my own courage rising.

One of my favorite go-to sayings is, “We can’t change what we don’t see.” I can only speak for myself, but often, even when I see the things I need to, I turn away, believing I might not have what it takes to truly look and sit with the discomfort that often accompanies growth.

While reading Where Is My Red Dress?, I felt like Rita was holding my hand and heart, whispering, “You’ve got this; it is time.” Our past doesn’t define us unless we let it. Just because we don’t look at something doesn’t mean it’s not there, unconsciously shaping our life experience. With Rita as your guide, be willing to shine a light of consciousness on the places you may have feared to go. It is the only path to true freedom.

I am taking my red dress out of the closet and wearing it proudly. There is more work to do, but I am willing to do it—and now I know that I don’t have to do it alone. I invite you to read Where Is My Red Dress? and join me. I believe this is the beginning of a movement where, together, we can embrace our sensual, sexual, and spiritual wholeness and challenge the unspoken norms that have shaped women’s lives for far too long!

Love and Light,

Rev. Dr. Rita Andriello-Feren, Author and Co-Spiritual Director CSL Kaua`i