This morning I was sitting in the back yard with a cup of coffee. All of sudden a surge of memories from a particular experience from my past arose. These memories filtered into my mind through the cup of coffee in my hand and the temperature of the air. I was catapulted back to a time when I went to Los Angeles in search of my dream. The things that happened there were sad and unfulfilling. I ended up going back home with out the dream and not knowing why I had even experienced the whole thing in the first place. It was a very confusing time in my life that didn’t get resolved until now. At first, I began to feel the same emotions.
However, this moment, this morning, was pivotal because I had a live example of how our emotions are lodged in our bodies and continue to play themselves out as our life, because we are addicted to the emotion. We will go to any extreme to experience the emotion. Thus, we seek repeated relationships and experiences that bring up the same emotion until we begin to be conscious.
My emotions that came up this morning were based in the unworthiness I felt at that time in Los Angeles. I could see how that emotion had played itself out again and again in my various experiences since then. Now I have a bird’s-eye view of the emotion and even though it is still there, I no longer allow it to play into the experiences of my life. Now, I get to replant a new idea, a new thought, a new belief of worthiness and the willingness to let go and expand.
Our emotions can either run our life or empower our lives. They are signals of what is still within us that might need to either be embraced or released. Did you ever wonder why tasting a certain food might suddenly bring up what seemed like an insignificant, but emotionally powerful memory of your childhood? During my time in training as a actress, we used to do something called emotional recall and sense memory. When we wanted to bring up an emotion up for the stage, we practiced by using objects that might bring up emotional memories for us. We could then call these up consciously when we needed them because we had processed them.
We can do this for ourselves anytime consciously or unconsciously. As for example, this morning, if I had not been conscious of what was occurring, I might have robotically felt those emotions and then brought them into my day and into all my interactions with others, not even knowing that I was doing it.
Being conscious of ourselves and examining our minds and finally practicing the science of letting go and replacing those beliefs behind the emotions is like peeling back an onion. Until we realize that there is a Power so much greater than all that we hold onto so dearly that is here within us, waiting our recognition, we will continue to spin in past emotions and memories and let them control our present lives. It takes practice.
We have everything within us to take us through any experience of our past and release it. We might have a history, but we do not have to continue to live it. Now is what matters. What are we going to do now? How are we going to live now in the precious present moment? Can we forgive everything. Can we begin to create a new future?
For myself, when I look back at that particular time, I can see that I was searching for my good. I might have gone about it in a confused way, but I was confused at the time. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s where I was at the time, and it doesn’t have to affect my now.
I can see now that it was my intense love for life that carried me through that experience and has never left me. That Love is the Power of Spirit in and through us. When that same Love is directed consciously, we are able to move forward into a more expanded life.
I love a cup of coffee in the morning. Now, it means all the more to me. I bless it.
Love and Aloha,