Let Bygones be Bygones

If we allow it to, as we grow older, life presents us with even more opportunities to expand in consciousness. I had one of these opportunities recently on a trip to the place where I was married for 27 years and where I raised my children. On this particular trip I had the opportunity to spend a small amount of time with my ex-husband. As we have not spent much time together since our divorce over 20 years ago, I can say that it was still a bit uncomfortable. There were many things still unspoken. As I later thought about it, I wondered if I wanted to even discuss those things with him. My answer, for now, was no. It wasn’t necessary. I knew if it were necessary, the time would present itself.

As so, what was my opportunity to grow? Well, I’ll be very frank. It had come to my attention that a certain video that was filmed back in our party days was handed down to my children and grandchildren. I don’t think there was any malice behind this, but there was negligence on his part. It is not that I was doing something shameful or illegal. It was a simple party where we were all having some fun and yet it was not something I would want my grandchildren to see without me to be there to have a conversation with them. I became very upset and presented the situation and my feelings to my children. They were in no way worried about it and truly were surprised that I was upset. I my concerns were dismissed and the conversation went on in another direction.

I continued to ponder this situation and my feelings surrounding it. I finally sat down in meditation and asked my higher self for direction. I got the message loud and clear: “Let it go.”

Let is go? How could I let something go that might affect how I appeared to my precious grandchildren. The answer came again: “Let it go!”

I recognized in that moment that what I was thinking about myself and this experience was just the opposite of what I said was true about my behavior in my early life. I was saying I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, while at the same time, I was guilty about how I might appear to someone else.

Our past is our past. I’m sure many of us have occurrences from our past we might not now repeat. However, it is important to remember that what we did in the past was done with the knowledge we had at that time. It is not our present. If we feel there is an apology that should take place, then, of course, make that apology. However, the statement “let bygones be bygones,” is very powerful.

In my situation, I do not have to explain something to anyone. I can just allow myself to be here in the moment. If someone (my grandchild, for example) has a question about my past, I am more than happy to answer it. As far as my ex-husband is concerned, I’m not married to him any more. I can let that go, too. I can move on into the present moment, work on forgiveness, which I obviously still need and allow myself to live the most loving life possible. Everything on our path adds to our present. However, when we hold on to it and wish it were different, we stunt our growth. I say, “Let bygones be bygones,” and focus on what is important now. Living in love and forgiveness for oneself is most important and will allow us to move forward with ease and grace.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Rita Andriello-Feren, Co-Founding Director CSL Kaua`i and the Institute of Magnificence and Author of “What Do I Need to KNOW? 101 Thoughts That Changed My Life” and “This Thing Called Treatment,” both available on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Let Bygones be Bygones

  1. Wonderful read Rita! I’m glad I took a few extra minutes to read your story..it helps to hear another point of view.
    Thank you!


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