Does Spirit get tired? I don’t think it is possible for Spirit to get tired because it is the one Power, inexhaustible energy that has no beginning or end and is continually creating from itself again and again. I am that Spirit, so why am I asking this question? Well, I’ve just traveled for over 16 hours from Kaua’i to Florida, met with my brothers and sister and jumped into the project of putting my Mom’s Celebration Mass together and everything that goes with that, including picking out what dress she should wear and writing her obituary. I was surprised that I couldn’t remember where she was born. Thank goodness my sister did. This is hard everyone! I’ve given up complaining, but I’m taking the night off.
Yes, I know all the right things to say and I am grateful that my mother went quickly, when she could have suffered much more; but, this is still hard. Not because I don’t feel her Spirit right now. I do. It is hard because there is so much more I’d like to say to her, and I am going to have to learn to talk a whole new language in order to do it.
I’m tired because I’ve allowed my mind to spin around the baggage carousel a million times today as I traveled over 5000 miles, and thought and thought, and decided and re-decided on dozens of things. Sometimes, all I could do was to sit and affirm in repetitious mantras, and that did help for a moment. It’s hard, but didn’t I say that the Spiritual Life is hard? It’s the road that never ends.
Really, all is well. Yes, I know my life is unfolding perfectly. I told myself that quite a few times today. However, I also wanted to share that my feelings run deep. This journey is just beginning and I am staying in the moment. I am grateful to be prayed up. I am grateful to know what I know. I am grateful for inexhaustible Spirit that has this even when I think I do not.
How fascinating that this week is “Stay Present” in my mental muscle boot camp.
Much Love Aloha and Good Night from Florida
2 thoughts on “This is Hard”
I love you Rita and I am leaving the Light On for you, your family and Mama Clare right here on your beautiful island.
I’m very touched by the insight and vulnerability in your words. Always speak your truth, my dear one, no matter how raw it may feel. This is a celebration of Clare, her life and legacy of family and friends–don’t let any Aunt Delores invade your peace at this sacred time!