What am I feeling today? Centered and so grateful that I am prayed up. My mother’s wake was today and I was able to move through it with ease and grace. I gave her eulogy and then I got the strong urge to sing the Ave Maria for everyone. I did a capella, bringing everyone to even deeper tears. I am grateful for this gift, and that I chose to listen and to use in that moment. Following our intuition is exhilarating.
Also, I am grateful for my faith and philosophy. I am connected to my mother. I will always be connected to her. Today, the priest gave a sweet talk saying how we can be even closer to those who have departed than we ever were in life. I believe that. One of the things that came up today from several people, including myself is that my mother passed away from a broken heart. She just missed her husband Bob too much. She did not want to be here. She didn’t say it in those words, but she did say that she was a lonely love bird missing her mate. She died from a broken heart that showed up as cancer. Suddenly, quickly and peacefully she was gone.
I remember reading that Ernest Holmes had lost zest for life after his dear Hazel died. His doctors said he’d never been sick and then suddenly he quickly deteriorated and was gone from this earth plane. We choose. There is no doubt in my mind.
Does this make me feel better? Actually, yes! My mother had a full life. She was done. She’d completed this journey. I can’t think of anything more like Divine Will then to leave when we are done. She didn’t fight, she just surrendered.
Another topic today was about how none of us children were at her bedside when she passed. Her best friend Theresa was. My mother would have had it that way. Theresa aided her in all the Catholic rituals and stayed centered in prayer just the way my mother would have it. We could not have done that for her in quite that way. I am so grateful for Theresa.
So, where am I with all this? I am so glad that I am living life to the fullest. I am so glad that I am saying yes to life and not holding back. I am so glad that I have a strong purpose and am fulfilling that purpose. I am so grateful for this thing called Life that shows up in so many different ways. The matrix of journeys intersecting and moving through time and space is unlimited.
If we could just believe in the Power of choice that we have and use it, like my mother did, but in the way that is ours – for anything that we want, just think what we could accomplish. There would be nothing we could think of that wouldn’t be possible.
This journey of love continues tomorrow with my mother’s funeral mass and burial. The walk through this journey is both surreal and awakening.
And, finally thank you for all the calls, emails and posts on Facebook. I feel so supported.
Love and Aloha,
2 thoughts on “Choices, Gratitude and My Mother”
Love you and how special your mom is as she journeys ahead…I am keeping the light on for you.
You are supported by your entire church group and people on the island of Kauai are there for you.