Yesterday, I was accused of being “judging, condemning and sentencing.” I will not go into the details of the whys and wherefores of this accusation here, but I am driven to write this blog, not to redeem myself, but to give a higher perspective on what I believe forgiveness is.

During my life, I have been in experiences where I have been hurt, abused and experienced cruelty. This is what I have learned about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a necessary step in healing from past wounds. If we want to move forward in our lives, forgiveness is mandatory. What is forgiveness? I will keep it simple. It is merely letting go of your anger, resentment and revengeful thoughts about a person. This means releasing your emotional attachment to all the things you think could have been different. It is letting go of your need to change someone else. It is letting them go and blessing them on their journey. Forgiveness is the greatest act of love and compassion, not just toward someone else, but toward yourself.

In the past, when I haven’t forgiven, when I have held judgment, when I have been condemning, I have suffered greatly because holding on to these emotions, creates a heavy weight on my heart and leaves no room for the acceleration of Love and Creativity in my very being.

When Jesus hung on the cross and said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do,” I do not believe he was condoning them for their behavior toward him and other human beings during that time. No, he was asking God to forgive them for their ignorance. It wasn’t his job to forgive. He turned it over to the greater part of himself. We make ourselves high and mighty when we think we are the judger and the forgiver. Forgiveness is merely letting it all go and letting the situation be resolved by the highest part of our consciousness.

However, for me, here is what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not allowing someone to keep abusing you or hurting you. Abused women and men, who have healed know this. Forgiveness is not continuing to be in relationship with the person who hasn’t faced his/her own healing, thinking we can change them. Sometimes, we must simply walk away. By walking away, we free ourselves from repeating the trauma in another time or within another person. By walking away, we free the other person to live their life as they please. We send them away with love and blessings. This doesn’t mean a reconciliation would not occur, but it is not necessary in the process of forgiveness.

There is more information on forgiveness is many places. I found this article most helpful: ARTICLE ON FORGIVENESS.

I am in a time in my own life where I am doing my best to raise my consciousness to the highest level possible. I can only do this by forgiving everything, loving everyone and remembering who I am. God is in everything and everything is coming up to be healed. Someone sent me this passage this morning from the Gospel of Thomas. It came at just the right time:

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Gospel of Thomas Vs. 70

I love this passage because it tells me that I am responsible for healing everything within me. That is what I am doing now. When someone calls me a condemner, a judger and a sentencer,” I must look within myself for where these accusations still live toward myself. This, for me, is the most important thing I can do to contribute to the healing of this planet.

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Rita Andriello-Feren, Co-Founding Spiritual Director CSL Kauai and Author