What does it mean to obey thy heart? This is a challenge from Ralph Waldo Emerson that I have been contemplating deeply. We are surrounded by so much scientific information about our hearts and how they are powerful centers of knowing. We are told that our hearts are stronger and more powerful than our brains. In fact, they communicate with our brains through the emotions and feelings we experience, and our brains listen, prompting us to think and act from that place. If the heart is such an important information center, then why do we tend to dismiss it as “woo-woo” or not valid? Why do we overthink and create mental loops that often lead to rumination, anxiety, and fear—thoughts that rarely serve us?

I believe the reason we struggle to trust our hearts is that we haven’t spent enough time truly listening to them. We are confused by the signals our hearts send, uncertain of whether it’s truly our hearts speaking or if it’s something else. I can speak to this from personal experience. When I was younger and not as conscious, I thought I was following my heart, but what I was actually doing was following my instincts. I was bouncing from one thing to the next—experiences, people, and places—believing it was my heart leading me. But, in truth, I was merely feeding my lack of self-love. As I reflect in my book, Where Is My Red Dress?, I was searching for love in all the wrong places, thinking it was my heart guiding me. It wasn’t until years of self-reflection, therapy, and spiritual guidance that I began to truly understand Emerson’s statement: “Obey thy heart.”

Here is the full poem that inspired my reflection:

Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred, days,
Estate, good-fame,
Plans, credit, and the Muse—
Nothing refuse.

’Tis a brave master;
Let it have scope:
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope:
High and more high
It dives into noon,
With wing unspent,
Untold intent:
But it is a god,
Knows its own path
And the outlets of the sky.

It was never for the mean;
It requireth courage stout.
Souls above doubt,
Valor unbending,
It will reward—
They shall return
More than they were,
And ever ascending.

Leave all for love;
Yet, hear me, yet,
One word more thy heart behoved,
One pulse more of firm endeavor—
Keep thee to-day,
To-morrow, forever,
Free as an Arab
Of thy beloved.

Cling with life to the maid;
But when the surprise,
First vague shadow of surmise
Flits across her bosom young,
Of a joy apart from thee,
Free be she, fancy-free;
Nor thou detain her vesture’s hem,
Nor the palest rose she flung
From her summer diadem.

Though thou loved her as thyself,
As a self of purer clay,
Though her parting dims the day,
Stealing grace from all alive;
Heartily know,
When half-gods go,
The gods arrive.

Yes, Emerson says to give all for love, because he believes it is worth any heartache that may follow. He suggests that it is better to obey the heart and love fully than to live with a closed heart. I agree with him, and at the same time, I also believe we can find a sense of direction by both following our hearts and thinking things through. This sense of guidance comes not from overanalyzing every decision but from starting with self-love and a clear understanding of our values. Once we know who we truly are, we stop searching for love outside ourselves, because we will naturally emanate love and attract experiences and people who love themselves, too.

For me, obeying my heart means going deep into myself. When I reflect on my Divine purpose, I believe it is to love and forgive myself completely, and to help others do the same. In self-love and self-forgiveness, we become blazing hearts that signal to the world, “I want what she’s having.”

After many years of following my heart’s call, I am finally finding a place of peace. I understand now that all the times I “obeyed” my heart, especially when it led to pain, were simply helping me crack my heart wider and wider. That pain, over time, grew into a vast field of love—a love I now get to share with my beloved and with others who want to join me.

Edwene Gaines, whose Divine purpose is to awaken the world to the ability to live prosperously, once said we should ask ourselves every night, “Have I locked anyone out of my heart today?” It’s a powerful question, and I want to emphasize that “anyone” includes ourselves. We need to remember to keep our hearts open not just to others, but to ourselves as well.

For more on this topic, join us tomorrow at 10am HST at CSL Kaua`i

Love and Aloha,

Rev. Dr. Rita Anriello-Feren, Author and Co-Founding Spiritual Director CSL Kaua`i