Twelve years ago—almost to the day—we held our first service here on the Island of Kaua’I at Center for Spiritual Living Kaua’i. I could say that our twelve years of transformation began on that day, but I would be wrong. The transformation of my life began when I chose to become a minister, and, soon after, to begin a ministry alongside my husband, Patrick Feren.

It has been a journey. If I could say it was easy, I would—but transformation is never easy. It takes commitment to oneself and one’s spiritual, emotional and mental growth. It requires resilience when we are knocked down by outside forces—like a global pandemic or financial hardship. It demands a strong and steady vision that can hold itself up through the storms of life.

I have never claimed to have an easy life, free of trouble or sorrow. What I do have is a perspective—an attitude—that seeks the gift in every situation. And so, these twelve years have been less about outward success and more about living the Science of Mind in all conditions, proving its principle whether the circumstance was joyful or painful.

Transformation, for me, has meant believing—again and again—that life is unfolding perfectly. Not because it always looks that way, but because something within me (the Divine, my Higher Self) has always carried me through. Whether people liked my approach to ministry or didn’t, whether the months were prosperous or lean, whether I felt joy in every moment or not—I returned to that inner knowing.

Ernest Holmes once said that we should not separate the spiritual from the practical. That if we believe the Lord’s Prayer is spiritual but a loaf of bread is not, we are mistaken. These twelve years have shown me that everything comes through Spirit, as Spirit—no matter what it looks like.

When I first landed on this island, I was filled with passion. I believed I had something precious to give—something that could help everyone who walked through our doors. I was propelled by my love for the teaching, for this philosophy. Call it naïve, or better yet, pure. I believed everyone would love me. I believed everyone would love this teaching. But my transformation came when that didn’t happen.

I had to learn to love myself even when others didn’t understand me. I had to stay true to my calling and my heart. I share this with you not to dwell on the past—but to say: everything in your life flows from your beliefs and perceptions. The deeper your love for yourself, the more authentic your service to the world becomes. Anything less is just a mask, a distraction from our own self-worth.

Over these twelve years, I’ve been loved. I’ve been judged. I’ve been ignored. I’ve been praised. When I think of the people who have supported this center and us from the very beginning, it takes my breath away. In all that swirling soup of perception, I have transformed. I now know that the only opinion that truly matters is mine. My morning meditations, my Spiritual Mind Treatments—for others and for myself—anchor me in Truth. They remind me that what I affirm for someone else, I’m affirming for me too.

So… am I changed? Am I transformed? If I look at my external life—my world of conditions—it might not look dramatically different. But if I look within, the answer is yes. Because I now know that there is no final destination. There’s no moment where it all becomes perfect. If I am truly committed to the spiritual path, then I am always becoming. If I think I need more money, I will always be in need—until I realize that I am always supplied. If I think I need more love, I will wait forever—until I learn to love myself completely.

When I walked the labyrinth the other day, I picked the card: Emerge. As I walked, I asked, “What’s next?” The answer came: Emerge. Step into your power. Walk as the sacred being you are. Know that all your joys, setbacks, sorrows, successes, and frustrations have shaped you. They have brought you here. Ready. Whole. Evolving.

These twelve years of transformation have been, in truth, a journey home—to myself. A journey back to my wholeness, without self-condemnation. With unwavering self-love. I’m not “there” yet—but I know that on some timeline, my future Self is waiting for me with open arms.

She’s already whole. Already free. And I am on my way.

Always Becoming,

Rev. Dr. Rita Andriello-Feren, Author, Co-Founding Spiritual Director CSL Kaua’i